beyond eurydice

Writer's Block.

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 07:09:50 GMT

Stuck. Stuck stuck stuck.

Stupid NaNoWriMo. Now, no matter what angle I try, in every scenario I write I keep ending up having my female character punching the male main character in the face. Which would be fine, if it added to my word count. But alas, it does not.

She's cussing a lot more, for some reason.

Ugh. >_<;

Wolves, with lasers.

Thu, 12 Nov 2009 03:44:17 GMT

I blame this on my friend. You know who you are.

So somehow your wolves made it into my NaNoWriMo. I have no idea where it will fit in the overall scheme of things, but I thought you'd like the vignette. I got ~300 words so far out of it.

“Sir! I’m receiving reports of… bears?” The corporal tilted his head, pressing his earpiece close, as if he couldn’t quite hear, or couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing. “Bears, sir, coming out of the woods, mounted by armed Russian militia. They have guns, sir, and they’re gaining fast.”

Henrik’s mouth tightened. “He sends bear cavalry after me?” He clenched his fist, shaking his head tightly. “We’ll see about that.” He began muttering under his breath, making quick, efficient gestures with his hands.

“What are you—” Eileen stopped as mist started to coalesce below them in the fields. Soon, gray shadows emerged, moving rapidly from the center, fanning out to circle the bears below.

“Those— are those wolves?” Flashes of light peppered the fields, and the large lumbering figures slowed their advance. “Wait… and are those lasers?”

Henrik looked smug, leaning over the railing to observe his handiwork. “That’ll show you, you little bastard. Wasting my time with frivolous memes, why don’t you. Who’s aware of all Internet traditions now, bitch?”

She looked at him incredulously. “You did not seriously just counter bear cavalry using wolves with lasers.”

“Nope. It wasn’t serious at all,” he told her airily. “This entire exchange was pointless. And now the enemy knows it too.” He grinned at her.

Eileen felt like banging her head against a wall. Or possibly his.

The bears began dropping, one by one, until soon the remaining cavalry, now deprived of their ursine power, fled back into the cover of the trees. They would pause now and then to take aim with their guns, but their opponents were too fast, launching to rip their throats out or tear their bodies to pieces as a pack when they stopped. They soon gave up completely and disappeared into the woods. And the wolves pursued them, howling.

I am hovering at 7,689 words, and I am going crazy. I hate NaNoWriMo.

Bacon!

Sat, 23 May 2009 04:04:11 GMT

I don't think I actually want to *eat* this, but on the other hand, I am weirdly intrigued:

http://whatever.scalzi.com/2009/05/22/what-a-meatgasm-looks-like/

My favorite part is Scalzi's reaction to it:

"Oh, God, imagine there’s bacon on one side of my mouth and sausage on the other and they meet and have hot and angry make-up sex in the middle while a salt lick cheers them on."

Duly noted, sir!

Maybe my fascination is a result of being involuntarily pescatarian these days, thanks to roommate's diet. (I eat chicken wings for lunch, though, so that's something.) Of course, it also is bacon. Lots and lots of *bacon*. Among other things.

Nanowrimo

Sat, 01 Nov 2008 17:10:36 GMT

I just joined NaNoWriMo for this year.

I'm in a world of pain this month, aren't I?

Who, me? Snarky?

Thu, 22 May 2008 05:28:36 GMT

In a one on one meeting with my boss about my work:

Boss: So, do you have any other roadblocks in your projects?
Me: Nothing but the ever-present, ever-flowing passage of time.

I'm getting the sneaky feeling corporate-land may not take me very seriously. I can't imagine why.

Sun, 20 Apr 2008 06:17:43 GMT

Some notable quotes from this weekend. No context, unless I feel like narrating:

"You have cried 'havoc', and let loose the dogs of confusion?"

"I am so terribly, horribly, fucking smashed right now. My head is dizzy, my legs are numb, my eyes like two pulsating gimbals straining to find a level plane. I don't even know what that fucking means."

Upon receiving small, rather sad looking jello shots:
Friend: My jello shot is stuck in the cup. How am I going to drink this?
Me: You pretty much have to stick your tongue in there and get it all out.
Friend: That's what *she* said.
Me: That's probably the best use of that line I've ever heard.

District Caucuses

Sun, 06 Apr 2008 01:39:10 GMT

Went to the Washington district caucus today. This is different from the precinct one, in that it's a second level of caucusing that only the delegates and their alternates attend. A matter of whittling down, another step in the line of representative democracy. Reps chosen from their respective neighborhoods attend to, well, represent their presidential candidate and debate the Democratic platform we would send to the congressional district level, and so forth to the national convention.

Great idea in theory, but it takes forever to do anything. Yes, everyone has a voice, but my god, such voices. And so many. And things keep being repeated over and over, and no one can follow any instructions, and every minor thing takes like an hour to do --- because everyone is so intent on being heard that they just aren't listening.

(The phrase "herding cats" comes to mind, although this was a little more like herding the fluffs of fur that result from exploding a basket of kittens. Frustrating, a little bloody, and possibly ineffectual anyway. Depending on your disposition, it may also leave you a little hungry after your efforts. I certainly was.)

I left about halfway through, as I was just an alternate (for Obama) and wasn't needed for the process after all. It might be interesting to get involved in local politics and whatnot, but probably not on this scale. I'm suspecting one reason why most things are done behind closed doors and in smoky backrooms is because it's a hell of a lot more efficient when you involve less people. I understand that there are a lot of concerns, and everyone has their own pet cause to push forward. There's a lot of good ideas and horrible problems that need addressing. But honestly, people! We don't have to put *every single one of them* into one giant declaration that no one will ever read. Focus on a few key principles, lest you lose all your ground altogether.

Maybe I should start attending the regular meetings instead.

Conclusion for the day: democracy badly needs a scrum list.

EDIT: This Mark Twain story suddenly struck me as very appropriate:

We are all creatures of sudden impulse. We must be worked up by steam, as it were. Get them to write their wills now, or it may be too late by-and-by. Fifteen or twenty years ago I had an experience I shall never forget. I got into a church which was crowded by a sweltering and panting multitude. The city missionary of our town--Hartford--made a telling appeal for help. He told of personal experiences among the poor in cellars and top lofts requiring instances of devotion and help. The poor are always good to the poor. When a person with his millions gives a hundred thousand dollars it makes a great noise in the world, but he does not miss it; it's the widow's mite that makes no noise but does the best work.

I remember on that occasion in the Hartford church the collection was being taken up. The appeal had so stirred me that I could hardly wait for the hat or plate to come my way. I had four hundred dollars in my pocket, and I was anxious to drop it in the plate and wanted to borrow more. But the plate was so long in coming my way that the fever-heat of beneficence was going down lower and lower--going down at the rate of a hundred dollars a minute. The plate was passed too late. When it finally came to me, my enthusiasm had gone down so much that I kept my four hundred dollars--and stole a dime from the plate. So, you see, time sometimes leads to crime.

I realize that these things take time, that it a slow and gradual process to change, especially if we want to make sure we create something good. And we don't want a return to how things have been done in the past I don't know how many years. But oh, democracy is such a *painful* slog. I don't know how I can find the patience for it.

Wed, 30 Jan 2008 09:06:42 GMT

Got annoyed with Paypal and their silly email invoicing today, so in a fit of pique gave my website online invoicing capability in about half an hour.

Apparently there is something to be said of productivity born of irritation.

I'm employed. Weird.

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 22:46:40 GMT

It's official. I'm employed. By a Microsoft subsidiary no less.

Well, technically it's a contract-to-full-time position, so assuming I don't mess up within the next six months, I'm employed for real.

But the money's certainly real enough. I'm a bit in a daze, to be honest.

Sun, 13 Jan 2008 03:31:17 GMT

It's startling when you compare your life to a few years ago, and abruptly realize in the interim that you've somehow become an actual person. Still influenced by your past, of course --- you can always see that "I like this because of that and I do that thing because of that other event three years ago," and so forth --- but now, you feel like you're a separate entity from the forces that shaped you in the first place.

Intellectually, I know that I have a distinct personality that defines me --- unique snowflake and all that jazz, yadda yadda yadda --- but it wasn't until very recently (fresh enough to hatch an egg from) that I could feel like it was actually true. That yes, I am a real and consistent person, and not just an elaborate series of masks and personas shaped solely from the environment I happen to be occupying at the moment.

(This is starting to make me sound like some kind of recovering schizophrenic.)

In any case, it may have taken me a few extra years, but I feel relieved. Pinocchio can become a real boy after all.

On an unrelated (or is it?) note, I did my first whiteboard interview this past Friday, and didn't completely mess up. Go me~ I am not an utter failure in my profession after all.

Final word will be on Monday, but the recruiter is optimistic. We shall see how things turn out.

Either way, I'm rather tired from the interviewing and traveling all week, coding my brains out. I'm finishing the last bits tonight, and then the ball is completely and utterly out of my side of the court.

Oh, and yes. I changed my mind again and probably am not applying to grad school this year. When did I reach this decision? At some point between the hours of 2 and 5am last Sunday when I sent off my resume to a couple job postings on a total whim. My life is so totally random. I can easily see myself in ten to fifteen years from now winning some sort of uber-world-prestigious prize for discovering the cure for cancer purely by accident. Probably somehow involving poorly brewed coffee, strawberry pancakes, an ornery test monkey, and the fact that I am not a morning person.

And, yes, the way I go, in the situation above, my main job would still be programming. On, like, bank statements or some shit. What would that have to do with cancer? I guess we'll find out in ten to fifteen years.

Now this is how you hold a counter-rally.

Thu, 27 Dec 2007 17:56:18 GMT

The KKK vs. the clowns. White flour, anyone?

So maybe I don't hate computer science as much as I thought I did...

Sun, 16 Dec 2007 08:48:21 GMT

This is the coolest idea I have ever heard of. And I don't even know if it would work:

Self-Adaptive Websites.

I mean, admittedly, the promotion/demotion portion of it has already been done --- it's called "most popular links" on most sites with huge amounts of articles. But rigging the entire navigation to adapt to users' needs? That would be cool.

Although I wouldn't be surprised if Google's already doing it somehow.

I'm not sure what it says when the projects in the CS department I'm finding more interesting than the ones located in the Technical Communications department (which is what I'm intending to apply to). One would assume this would mean I should apply to CS instead. But, God, the things I have to relearn again! I can't even remember CPS 104 anymore. :/

But they have an AI research section! With neural systems and intelligent user interfaces that depend on context-sensitive environments! (Okay, I can't find the link for the context-sensitive part. Maybe that was Carnegie Mellon instead.)

I'd forgotten that I'd found AI really really spiffy cool ever since high school. I remember, there was some adaptive AI project going on in the neighboring college that once presented at my school (good old science and math school, yup, the memories). I remember talking with my advisor how cool it had been to hear about it. She suggested I try to do my internship with them. I thought that was impossible (still don't know why), and instead opted to do a self-study with the Western Civ teacher about St. Augustine's opinion on the origins of evil. (Don't ask. I really don't know why I did it, other than to do something that *wasn't* math and science related.)

Nowadays, I'm really regretting that I didn't take the AI class while I was still at Duke. Maybe I might have enjoyed my actual classes better had I actually taken classes I liked as opposed to treating it like a giant goal list I had to complete in four years. Of course, not having the Curriculum 2000 matrix to fulfill probably would have helped too.

And now? Who knows. I suppose I could apply for the Computer Science & Engineering (see? it's actually in the engineering school!) grad program... but I'm rather far behind and out of the loop. And it's highly competitive --- according to the site, it accepts maybe 10-15% of its applicants each year.

...

I'm starting to suspect that my aversion to competition is slowly killing me.

Wow. That went angsty, real fast.

bonus story for Charlene

Wed, 12 Dec 2007 22:51:43 GMT

..because I am a bum and can't write on topic.

So, no mysterious roommate disappearing story, at least not until I can get home and find time to write. And also feel inspired, I think. I can tell the story all right when it's verbal, although it gets shorter with every telling. But writing it down? Not nearly as interesting.

So here, just for Charlene, is an alternate snippet of my life, written down while slightly tipsy at an indie rock concert in Fremont. It even has footnotes!

Cafe Metropolitan, was the name of the bar. Inside was done up like an Alice-in-Wonderland hodge-podge of elements --- the outdoor patio of a nighttime French cafe, the cozy fake fireplace with leather cushioned chairs and red rugs. Christmas lights and table trees lined the "avenue."

They had shoved an old pool table in the back.

I am playing a game of nine-ball with Aaron (fellow housemate and nominal sublet landlord; also pre-eminent tea guru of the house, and possibly Seattle, the way he goes on about it) and Andrea (Italian grad student staying for the winter for his study abroad; exceedingly polite and thoughtful, although he has a penchant of talking about stuffing chickens in toilets and running over Spectre, the house cat, with my car.[1]). The point of this 3-sided game is to knock your balls into the pockets. You have a choice of 1-2-3, 4-5-6, and 7-8-9.

Aaron has managed to knock one of my balls in the pocket on his first shot, Andrea has knocked the other in on one of his turns. This prompts him to say to Aaron, "See, that's what she's paying me for." [2] Needless to say, I win that round.

The next round Andrea offers me the option of winners vs. losers, or girls vs. boys. I rather brashly declare, "Well, fine! I can take both of you! Let's go!" (whether this is related to the cranberry and vodka I have just consumed, I cannot [won't] say.)

Ten minutes later, I'm stripes, they are solids, and I am three balls in the hole. Or more accurately, they have put 3 balls in the hole, and I am screwed.

I'm trying to line up a shot, but three striped balls are all grouped by the left corner pocket. I shake my head, say, "What the hell" and get into position to hit in their general direction.

I try to, anyway. Turns out, trying to hit that shot involves me contorting into poses that would probably work better on a lounge singer on top of a piano in a sleazy jazz club. I must be looking disconcerted, because suddenly Andrea is on one side of the table, laying down the bridge cue, while Aaron is on the other, helping to position it just right. Pretty much the only thing left for me to do is to put in the pool stick and shoot.

I pause for a moment, looking first at one boy, and then the other, both posed rather awkwardly on the pool table. "You know, guys," I say, "This isn't a team shot." I shoot.

I put three balls in the corner pocket, feeling more than a little ambivalent about chivalry.

Footnotes:
[1] This is not to say he dislikes animals, although he likes speaking Italian to Spectre --- and though I don't know the language, whatever he says never sounds particularly friendly. No, it's just that his sense of humor tends to run that way. Not, you know, that I would know anything about what that is like, having an odd sense of humor. We tend to get along well.

[2] It has been a running joke in the house that I have been paying Andrea for unspecified services. This is because half the time I'm in front of Kate, another one of our housemates, I've had to give Andrea money for various reasons or another. What makes it funny is that the amount of money exchanged has steadily been increasing.

"What, she's giving you more?" Kate asked the third time it happened. "What in the world are you doing? And why is your rate going up?"

"I am getting better," Andrea replied. He never did elaborate further.

giving birth, a perspective

Tue, 11 Dec 2007 09:00:12 GMT

Not the relevant one, of course.

The midwife is here, Shiuwen is in full on labor, Aaron's helping out or whatever, and I can hear the water running upstairs. Natural birth is all well and good, and very Seattle-esque...

Meanwhile, in the living room, I have created a Photoshopped glowing leaf collage, knit myself a quarter of a scarf, and just taught myself the purl stitch (having learned the knit stitch yesterday, when the contractions stopped being intermittent).

Snacks are being brought upstairs. Nachos with salsa, chopped vegetables, and cookies (macaroons, sugar cookies, oatmeal raisin, and madelines). The midwife comes down to fill a giant mug of water. She thanks me for the cookies I baked yesterday, saying they were very good. She goes back up to tend to her patient.

Time is passing. I have made myself three sandwiches, finished two small work tasks, and have managed to pick up a new client in the interim. Three new rows of scarf knit is completed. Three more backlogged emails need to go out.

I can hear Shiuwen upstairs. She does not sound pleasant.

In-between the coding and the purling and the pondering of whether I should start making some potato leek soup in the middle of the night, the unexpected thought creeps in:

I am never having children.

[Update!

The kid is born, although Shiuwen had to go to the hospital to finally deliver him. It is a boy, and is very cute, but big (9.2 lbs). Also, very quiet -- he only cries, apparently, to say "Feed me!" or "Change my diaper!"]

I think my brain just exploded.

Tue, 27 Nov 2007 22:09:34 GMT

See what happens when I stop following the presidential elections?

Dennis Kucinich and his potential running mate.

And yes, Charlene, your promised story is coming(!).

Craigslist

Mon, 19 Nov 2007 07:04:09 GMT

I like perusing the Craigslist odd job ads, just in case there's a quick one-day gig to make some side money. This is usually when I'm getting bored with whatever work I'm currently doing at the moment, and perhaps is an extension of wishful thinking on my part. (Or wishful thinking wish-fulfillment? I don't think I'm making sense anymore. Bah.)

Once in a while you find some odd gems, and you wonder what the poster was thinking when they put it up.

This certainly qualified as one of them. I've reposted the text below, in case it gets removed.

Part time Writer: letters to congress, actors and friends
This wil be a few hundred dollars a month going forward. Some letters will be sent by email some will be deliverd by FedEx special delivery.

Would you like to write letters to congress members about important topics? Would you like to find the addresses and write to famous people? Would you mind helping fill out forms on occasion. This may be helpful for someone in school that can write letters in their spare time aroudn their schedule.

Also I'm looking to start a windmill farm and need someone to corrospond with the energy agency about what grants are avaible fill out the grants and write to Patty Murray and Maria Cantwell for advice. I also want you to write birthday letters, congrats letters and technical articles for websites.

I'm also looking to create a short digital film and would like help with research and writing the screen play. Please send essays, screen plays, interview letters, or other short writing samples for consideration. I will be using a pen name of Buster Fairway for much of the corrospondence. Thanks in advance buster

I have the sneaking suspicion this was supposed to be a simple one-job ad which ballooned as the writer figured, 'What the hey, I'm posting anyway... let's do a giant stream-of-consciousness bit here. Might as well get it all out of the way now!'

I also can see why they would want to hire a part-time writer, if their organizational skills tend this way often.

Writer's Guild strike and Free Rice

Sun, 11 Nov 2007 09:22:25 GMT

Random tidbits today. Spent over two hours reading up on the writers' strike in Hollywood. This has only 1) cemented my contempt for TV & movie studio executives and 2) made me despair about people's fundamental understanding of what the hell unions are for, as well as how writers earn a living. I realize that the internet is full of uninformed opinion, but honestly people! Unions exist to win workers' rights for you! Why the hell would you be anti-union?

Bah. I can't even rant about this properly, it made me so angry. Maybe I'll sum it up again later when I'm more coherent.

Other thing of note: the Free Rice website.

Fundamental concept? You guess the right meanings of words, and for each word whose meaning you get correct, the site donates 10 grains of rice to... hungry people. I'm not sure where. I can't seem to find a formal statement on the site, but that's probably more because I'm sleepy.

It is a cool concept though. Whether or not it's on the up and up, and whether it's the best use of your resources (as opposed to, say, actually donating or going to volunteer places and some such) I have yet to determine. But I did learn a couple new words.

Thu, 08 Nov 2007 23:12:06 GMT

This is quite possibly the most disturbing Christopher Walken clip I have ever seen.

But oddly engrossing.

Wheel of Time author

Wed, 19 Sep 2007 21:43:19 GMT

Robert Jordan passed away this past Sunday. He was working on the 12th and final Wheel of Time novel A Memory of Light.

This was one of the earliest fantasy series I'd read as a kid. It's one of the ones that got me started on the genre.

It's a damn shame, it is.

web comics, part III

Sat, 15 Sep 2007 07:50:19 GMT

Previous posts on this here and here.

Before I forget! Posting this one down:

Fungus Grotto
"Vielle is like any normal 17 year old girl with dreams, goals, and aspirations. On the eve of leaving home to step into her future she finds she's not quite ready to go. Torn between 'out there' and 'comfort' Vielle takes a moment to daydream... Just dream... And she thought going out into the real world would be hard."

I really love the style of this comic --- if nothing else, check out the artist's portfolio. It's unbelievable.

Too early to make a call on the quality of story... but it is quite promising.

GRE review

Thu, 13 Sep 2007 17:01:34 GMT

Bah, GREs. Taking it October 3rd. Reviewing like mad.

Conclusion: I suck at math now. Badly. Did I always have this inability to properly frame probability problems, or is this just the result of the inevitable passage of time?

Grr... skill atrophy.

anime

Wed, 05 Sep 2007 08:06:27 GMT

Princess Tutu-- totally Utena lite. But perhaps with a less fucked up ending? Not sure yet -- still haven't gotten there. Taking it episode by episode. But if current trends hold, evidently the human heart has 38 pieces.

Mon, 03 Sep 2007 06:27:53 GMT

Ugh. I just killed a scorpion in my room with a fake wooden battle axe.

That is all.

Webcomics, revisited.

Wed, 11 Jul 2007 01:47:14 GMT

A while ago I posted on this topic, listing a few really compelling ones I've found.

I keep forgetting the new ones I find, so once again a-posting I go.

In no particular order:

leveL

"leveL is an epic science fiction/action saga. It tells the story of Cael Dalton, a quiet teenage boy who lives in the sprawling capital megacity known as Level. Heavily medicated and haunted by a dream he himself doesn't understand, he suddenly finds himself thrown in the middle of an whirlwind adventure that just might lead him to the truth he's been searching for."

I love the art here, as it's very striking, and not at all traditional. The colors are bright and vivid, as is the storyline. It's surprisingly dark at times, and it keeps you guessing.

The Haunting of MacGrath

Sporting a gritty, black and white style of art, this comic traces the tale of Cyril MacGrath, protegé of Sherlock Holmes, as he follows the case of a murdered woman in Canada. Of course, it's never as straightforward as it seems.

Directions of Destiny

"To control the arrow of the compass of fate... to change the course of destiny."

Beautiful, wonderful artwork. Rather reminiscent of Utena.

Broken Mirror

"...a futuristic, dystopian romance novel..."

I feel like this one is designed specifically to break your heart (or depress the hell out of you, depending on your disposition). Appropriately enough, the artwork here reminds me of a Hans Christian Anderson tale. If you're not sure if you want to read all of it before you find out what it's about (it still hasn't quite set everything up yet), read the character page and the foreshadow-heavy prologue. Those alone hint at a story that can only end in tragedy.

Blackbird

"Nothing lasts forever. Centuries of peace in the world of Maelstrom is now shaken by a quiet but unstoppable demonic threat. Ever since, humans have prohibited the use of demon magic in repent, but unbeknownst to most, the fabric of peace grows thin still. It is not until years after the establishment of the Prohibition when Veloce finds herself amidst everything she does not want to face as the storm reveals its true form..."

This one is actually being redone, and I think I like the new version much better. The plot is more subtle, and you get a better feel for the characters. The art has also significantly improved.

Undertow

This is more of your classic fantasy, although the art here is fantastic.

Worldbreak

"Treffalis is a land of magic, but few are gifted with the control of the elements. When an old forgotten face comes back to pay his dues, Anri's world is ripped apart as she is cast into unfamiliar territory where she can do nothing but wreak havoc. When the nightmares of the old world seem to be tracking her down, she finds help in certain strangers she is not sure she can trust."

This is tightly plotted, and the design is amazing. I think the best combination of story and art I've seen so far since Inverloch.

[EDIT: Added Gott Gauss to the list.]

Gott Gauss

More joy, less pain.

Gott Gauss is protecting you.

A dark-humor mystery/thriller comic from Germany. The link goes to its English translation. Only the first chapter is available online; however, it's enough to set up the premise:

Selt Brander is a depressed young man. No job, no friends, no prospects. When asked, "How do you feel?" he can only answer: "I would like to be dead."

One night, mysterious words troll across his screen. "Gott Gauss is talking to you. Do you want to answer?" And with that, he begins his journey.

I have a daemon!

Mon, 21 May 2007 21:30:43 GMT

Following the Golden Compass meme, I have now acquired a daemon (thanks, Charlene. :P).

I remember reading the Golden Compass trilogy a while back, and enjoying it a lot (although the ending was, I thought, not really what I was wanting as a wrap-up.)

Unless I fundamentally misunderstood the ending, it seems to me that despite all the buildup, and cool world-building, and characterization, and *crisis*, apparently the way to save the world was for the two main characters to get it on. A tad anticlimactic, if you ask me.

But then again, isn't that the central theme, often enough? "A gets with B and they fall in twue love! Yay cookies~!"

To give Pullman credit, he didn't exactly devolve into that. And he managed to wring some pathos out of the whole arrangement. But I wanted an ending with a bang, not a whimper. (For all you smartasses out there who'd like to argue that technically it ended with both, pun noted, but not intended.)