callaynatara ([info]callaynatara) wrote,
@ 2007-12-11 00:52:00
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giving birth, a perspective
Not the relevant one, of course.

The midwife is here, Shiuwen is in full on labor, Aaron's helping out or whatever, and I can hear the water running upstairs. Natural birth is all well and good, and very Seattle-esque...

Meanwhile, in the living room, I have created a Photoshopped glowing leaf collage, knit myself a quarter of a scarf, and just taught myself the purl stitch (having learned the knit stitch yesterday, when the contractions stopped being intermittent).

Snacks are being brought upstairs. Nachos with salsa, chopped vegetables, and cookies (macaroons, sugar cookies, oatmeal raisin, and madelines). The midwife comes down to fill a giant mug of water. She thanks me for the cookies I baked yesterday, saying they were very good. She goes back up to tend to her patient.

Time is passing. I have made myself three sandwiches, finished two small work tasks, and have managed to pick up a new client in the interim. Three new rows of scarf knit is completed. Three more backlogged emails need to go out.

I can hear Shiuwen upstairs. She does not sound pleasant.

In-between the coding and the purling and the pondering of whether I should start making some potato leek soup in the middle of the night, the unexpected thought creeps in:

I am never having children.

[Update!

The kid is born, although Shiuwen had to go to the hospital to finally deliver him. It is a boy, and is very cute, but big (9.2 lbs). Also, very quiet -- he only cries, apparently, to say "Feed me!" or "Change my diaper!"]

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[info]samroswell
2007-12-11 12:55 pm UTC (link)
Unexpected?

Congratulations on acquiring a new client.

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[info]samroswell
2007-12-12 12:46 am UTC (link)
On a second, verbal, reading... There are two opposing meanings to your final statement, in a contextual sense. Do you mean, "I am never having children. Ain't going to happen, and I'll stab to death anyone who tries to make it otherwise. Can't stand the little buggers..." or do you mean, "Golly, gee, I guess I am never having children. Oh, well, I've been childless so far and it's worked out well enough. It might have been an interesting experience..."

It would be surprising if the first meaning (declaration) was an unexpected thought, but I can definitely see how the second (realization) could creep in there unexpectedly.

Zaijian.

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[info]callaynatara
2007-12-12 08:44 am UTC (link)
Now I know how Lois Lowry meant when she said she didn't want to reveal what she actually meant in the ending of "The Giver."

The final statement is not meant in either of the senses you describe above. It's got elements of each, partially, but the tone isn't right.

It is ambiguous, and purposefully so. It's not any one single meaning, and it's ambivalent. That's what childbirth is. There's a giant ball of everything there --- growing up, moving on, angst, societal expectation, pain and suffering, promised family joy and loving-ness and such.

I don't think I've conveyed it correctly, apparently. But I suppose I need to work on my tone of voice in writing anyhow.

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[info]callaynatara
2007-12-12 08:58 am UTC (link)
Ugh. Reading my message above, I sound really snippy. I *really* need to work on tone. (Maybe I'm tired. Or working too much.)

I don't really know what I meant at the time I wrote the words in the entry. But that entire sentence popped into my head, clearly and forcefully. So I wrote it down.

I'm not saying I want children, nor am I saying that I'm glad I haven't had them. So it's all mixed up, I guess. (This is not my biological clock. It's a little early to be ticking.)

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[info]samroswell
2007-12-12 02:17 pm UTC (link)
No problem; I didn't find the comment to be snippy. And, the extended sentences I wrote were absolutely exaggerated sentiments. I just meant that, in one reading you're telling the world how it is, and in the other the world let you know how its going to be, with plenty of room in between for a mix of those, and to the sides, and above, and below, for other meanings that I haven't even attempted to read into the sentence :). And much of the ambiguity was inserted by me, from ignorance of context and history (and a lack of prescience).

I'm not sure if this means you need to work on the tone of your writing. Frankly, I just confused myself into identifying an ambiguity on a second reading, and made a poor attempt at requesting clarification...

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[info]shikattanai
2007-12-12 06:19 am UTC (link)
maybe I'm not there yet, but as I'm reading reverse chrono from a few weeks of not checking I am confused. Did you make all of those cookies, or just some? And noooooooooooooooooo...you're succumbing to the Seattle knitting scene!! >_____<

As you may know, I am chock full of mixed feelings. And who were all the snacks for - the midwife? She wanted nachos? And who picked natural birth? I think it's not a bad idea but...not necessarily in a house share... :D

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[info]callaynatara
2007-12-12 08:31 am UTC (link)
I made some of the cookies, but not all. They were from a cookie + knitting party that Amy and Diana arranged. Thus, the domesticity.

Although I'm suspecting the same commitment to mindless, slightly repetitive work that helps for coding also seems to apply for knitting as well. Hopefully this is, like so many of my other hobbies, only a phase.

I am guessing that Shiuwen picked the natural birth, as it is her baby. But perhaps Aaron was being, well, Aaron. Who knows.

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[info]callaynatara
2007-12-12 08:34 am UTC (link)
And, yes, mixed feelings are all abounds in the piece. I doubt it will simplify anytime soon. :/

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also
[info]shikattanai
2007-12-12 06:29 am UTC (link)
I think your supposedly promised story totally doesn't exist. :P

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Re: also
[info]callaynatara
2007-12-12 08:29 am UTC (link)
Well, this was more interesting. I think I've moved on from the other story. I've got a different one, though, that I wrote up while slightly tipsy at a concert. Do you want that one?

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