beyond eurydice

Stuck. Stuck stuck stuck.

Stupid NaNoWriMo. Now, no matter what angle I try, in every scenario I write I keep ending up having my female character punching the male main character in the face. Which would be fine, if it added to my word count. But alas, it does not.

She's cussing a lot more, for some reason.

Ugh. >_<;

I blame this on my friend. You know who you are.

So somehow your wolves made it into my NaNoWriMo. I have no idea where it will fit in the overall scheme of things, but I thought you'd like the vignette. I got ~300 words so far out of it.

( Warning: NaNoWriMo nonsense. I'm serious, this stuff hurts your brain. And my internal editor. )

I am hovering at 7,689 words, and I am going crazy. I hate NaNoWriMo.

I don't think I actually want to *eat* this, but on the other hand, I am weirdly intrigued:

http://whatever.scalzi.com/2009/05/22/what-a-meatgasm-looks-like/

My favorite part is Scalzi's reaction to it:

"Oh, God, imagine there’s bacon on one side of my mouth and sausage on the other and they meet and have hot and angry make-up sex in the middle while a salt lick cheers them on."

Duly noted, sir!

Maybe my fascination is a result of being involuntarily pescatarian these days, thanks to roommate's diet. (I eat chicken wings for lunch, though, so that's something.) Of course, it also is bacon. Lots and lots of *bacon*. Among other things.

I just joined NaNoWriMo for this year.

I'm in a world of pain this month, aren't I?

In a one on one meeting with my boss about my work:

Boss: So, do you have any other roadblocks in your projects?
Me: Nothing but the ever-present, ever-flowing passage of time.


I'm getting the sneaky feeling corporate-land may not take me very seriously. I can't imagine why.

Some notable quotes from this weekend. No context, unless I feel like narrating:

"You have cried 'havoc', and let loose the dogs of confusion?"

"I am so terribly, horribly, fucking smashed right now. My head is dizzy, my legs are numb, my eyes like two pulsating gimbals straining to find a level plane. I don't even know what that fucking means."

Upon receiving small, rather sad looking jello shots:
Friend: My jello shot is stuck in the cup. How am I going to drink this?
Me: You pretty much have to stick your tongue in there and get it all out.
Friend: That's what *she* said.
Me: That's probably the best use of that line I've ever heard.

Went to the Washington district caucus today. This is different from the precinct one, in that it's a second level of caucusing that only the delegates and their alternates attend. A matter of whittling down, another step in the line of representative democracy. Reps chosen from their respective neighborhoods attend to, well, represent their presidential candidate and debate the Democratic platform we would send to the congressional district level, and so forth to the national convention.

Great idea in theory, but it takes forever to do anything. Yes, everyone has a voice, but my god, such voices. And so many. And things keep being repeated over and over, and no one can follow any instructions, and every minor thing takes like an hour to do --- because everyone is so intent on being heard that they just aren't listening.

(The phrase "herding cats" comes to mind, although this was a little more like herding the fluffs of fur that result from exploding a basket of kittens. Frustrating, a little bloody, and possibly ineffectual anyway. Depending on your disposition, it may also leave you a little hungry after your efforts. I certainly was.)

I left about halfway through, as I was just an alternate (for Obama) and wasn't needed for the process after all. It might be interesting to get involved in local politics and whatnot, but probably not on this scale. I'm suspecting one reason why most things are done behind closed doors and in smoky backrooms is because it's a hell of a lot more efficient when you involve less people. I understand that there are a lot of concerns, and everyone has their own pet cause to push forward. There's a lot of good ideas and horrible problems that need addressing. But honestly, people! We don't have to put *every single one of them* into one giant declaration that no one will ever read. Focus on a few key principles, lest you lose all your ground altogether.

Maybe I should start attending the regular meetings instead.

Conclusion for the day: democracy badly needs a scrum list.

( A Mark Twain quote and perhaps, a more reasoned response )

Got annoyed with Paypal and their silly email invoicing today, so in a fit of pique gave my website online invoicing capability in about half an hour.

Apparently there is something to be said of productivity born of irritation.

It's official. I'm employed. By a Microsoft subsidiary no less.

Well, technically it's a contract-to-full-time position, so assuming I don't mess up within the next six months, I'm employed for real.

But the money's certainly real enough. I'm a bit in a daze, to be honest.

It's startling when you compare your life to a few years ago, and abruptly realize in the interim that you've somehow become an actual person. Still influenced by your past, of course --- you can always see that "I like this because of that and I do that thing because of that other event three years ago," and so forth --- but now, you feel like you're a separate entity from the forces that shaped you in the first place.

Intellectually, I know that I have a distinct personality that defines me --- unique snowflake and all that jazz, yadda yadda yadda --- but it wasn't until very recently (fresh enough to hatch an egg from) that I could feel like it was actually true. That yes, I am a real and consistent person, and not just an elaborate series of masks and personas shaped solely from the environment I happen to be occupying at the moment.

(This is starting to make me sound like some kind of recovering schizophrenic.)

In any case, it may have taken me a few extra years, but I feel relieved. Pinocchio can become a real boy after all.


( On an unrelated (or is it?) note, I did my first whiteboard interview this past Friday, and didn't completely mess up. )

This is the coolest idea I have ever heard of. And I don't even know if it would work:

Self-Adaptive Websites.

I mean, admittedly, the promotion/demotion portion of it has already been done --- it's called "most popular links" on most sites with huge amounts of articles. But rigging the entire navigation to adapt to users' needs? That would be cool.

Although I wouldn't be surprised if Google's already doing it somehow.

I'm not sure what it says when the projects in the CS department I'm finding more interesting than the ones located in the Technical Communications department (which is what I'm intending to apply to). One would assume this would mean I should apply to CS instead. But, God, the things I have to relearn again! I can't even remember CPS 104 anymore. :/

But they have an AI research section! With neural systems and intelligent user interfaces that depend on context-sensitive environments! (Okay, I can't find the link for the context-sensitive part. Maybe that was Carnegie Mellon instead.)

I'd forgotten that I'd found AI really really spiffy cool ever since high school. I remember, there was some adaptive AI project going on in the neighboring college that once presented at my school (good old science and math school, yup, the memories). I remember talking with my advisor how cool it had been to hear about it. She suggested I try to do my internship with them. I thought that was impossible (still don't know why), and instead opted to do a self-study with the Western Civ teacher about St. Augustine's opinion on the origins of evil. (Don't ask. I really don't know why I did it, other than to do something that *wasn't* math and science related.)

Nowadays, I'm really regretting that I didn't take the AI class while I was still at Duke. Maybe I might have enjoyed my actual classes better had I actually taken classes I liked as opposed to treating it like a giant goal list I had to complete in four years. Of course, not having the Curriculum 2000 matrix to fulfill probably would have helped too.

And now? Who knows. I suppose I could apply for the Computer Science & Engineering (see? it's actually in the engineering school!) grad program... but I'm rather far behind and out of the loop. And it's highly competitive --- according to the site, it accepts maybe 10-15% of its applicants each year.

...

I'm starting to suspect that my aversion to competition is slowly killing me.

Wow. That went angsty, real fast.

..because I am a bum and can't write on topic.

So, no mysterious roommate disappearing story, at least not until I can get home and find time to write. And also feel inspired, I think. I can tell the story all right when it's verbal, although it gets shorter with every telling. But writing it down? Not nearly as interesting.

So here, just for Charlene, is an alternate snippet of my life, written down while slightly tipsy at an indie rock concert in Fremont. It even has footnotes!

( Cafe Metropolitan, was the name of the bar. )

Not the relevant one, of course.

The midwife is here, Shiuwen is in full on labor, Aaron's helping out or whatever, and I can hear the water running upstairs. Natural birth is all well and good, and very Seattle-esque...

Meanwhile, in the living room, I have created a Photoshopped glowing leaf collage, knit myself a quarter of a scarf, and just taught myself the purl stitch (having learned the knit stitch yesterday, when the contractions stopped being intermittent).

Snacks are being brought upstairs. Nachos with salsa, chopped vegetables, and cookies (macaroons, sugar cookies, oatmeal raisin, and madelines). The midwife comes down to fill a giant mug of water. She thanks me for the cookies I baked yesterday, saying they were very good. She goes back up to tend to her patient.

Time is passing. I have made myself three sandwiches, finished two small work tasks, and have managed to pick up a new client in the interim. Three new rows of scarf knit is completed. Three more backlogged emails need to go out.

I can hear Shiuwen upstairs. She does not sound pleasant.

In-between the coding and the purling and the pondering of whether I should start making some potato leek soup in the middle of the night, the unexpected thought creeps in:

I am never having children.

[Update!

The kid is born, although Shiuwen had to go to the hospital to finally deliver him. It is a boy, and is very cute, but big (9.2 lbs). Also, very quiet -- he only cries, apparently, to say "Feed me!" or "Change my diaper!"]

See what happens when I stop following the presidential elections?

Dennis Kucinich and his potential running mate.

And yes, Charlene, your promised story is coming(!).

I like perusing the Craigslist odd job ads, just in case there's a quick one-day gig to make some side money. This is usually when I'm getting bored with whatever work I'm currently doing at the moment, and perhaps is an extension of wishful thinking on my part. (Or wishful thinking wish-fulfillment? I don't think I'm making sense anymore. Bah.)

Once in a while you find some odd gems, and you wonder what the poster was thinking when they put it up.

( Wanted: Writer for Everything But the Kitchen Sink. )

Random tidbits today. Spent over two hours reading up on the writers' strike in Hollywood. This has only 1) cemented my contempt for TV & movie studio executives and 2) made me despair about people's fundamental understanding of what the hell unions are for, as well as how writers earn a living. I realize that the internet is full of uninformed opinion, but honestly people! Unions exist to win workers' rights for you! Why the hell would you be anti-union?

Bah. I can't even rant about this properly, it made me so angry. Maybe I'll sum it up again later when I'm more coherent.

Other thing of note: the Free Rice website.

Fundamental concept? You guess the right meanings of words, and for each word whose meaning you get correct, the site donates 10 grains of rice to... hungry people. I'm not sure where. I can't seem to find a formal statement on the site, but that's probably more because I'm sleepy.

It is a cool concept though. Whether or not it's on the up and up, and whether it's the best use of your resources (as opposed to, say, actually donating or going to volunteer places and some such) I have yet to determine. But I did learn a couple new words.

This is quite possibly the most disturbing Christopher Walken clip I have ever seen.

But oddly engrossing.

Robert Jordan passed away this past Sunday. He was working on the 12th and final Wheel of Time novel A Memory of Light.

This was one of the earliest fantasy series I'd read as a kid. It's one of the ones that got me started on the genre.

It's a damn shame, it is.

Previous posts on this here and here.

Before I forget! Posting this one down:


Fungus Grotto
"Vielle is like any normal 17 year old girl with dreams, goals, and aspirations. On the eve of leaving home to step into her future she finds she's not quite ready to go. Torn between 'out there' and 'comfort' Vielle takes a moment to daydream... Just dream... And she thought going out into the real world would be hard."

I really love the style of this comic --- if nothing else, check out the artist's portfolio. It's unbelievable.

Too early to make a call on the quality of story... but it is quite promising.